I was mounted on Cody with a bareback pad as Linda led us around the arena barn when that phrase popped into my head.
“Be like Cody.”
I had plans to attend an out of town family wedding and it hit me kind of hard, thinking about how the bride-to-be was a year and a half younger than my daughter Sara would have been now. All of those “what ifs” and “if only’s” came flooding at me; what if Sara had not had Batten Disease? Would I be excitedly planning her wedding with her?
“Be like Cody.”
As I sat on Cody’s back, feeling myself swaying from front to back, side to side, with each step he took, Linda asked me to imagine his heart. I closed my eyes and concentrated. In my mind, I had a picture of his heart, shaped like the hearts my daughter so loved to draw, huge and pink and pulsing with life. I felt safe on him, felt he would take care of me and not let anything happen to me.
Linda asked if any phrases came to me. “Be like Cody”.
“What does that mean to you?”, she asked. I thought for a second and replied that it means to enjoy this moment, this moment only, be joyful in it and don’t worry about the moment before or the moment coming up. Be present and alive
I was afraid of getting emotional and ruining the wedding for the bride and everyone around me. My strategy was to sit in the back at such events, then if I needed to, I could get up and quietly walk out. Well, we were late (that’s a story for another day!) and the only seat available was way in the back. Perfect! But as it turns out, I got so caught up in the moment, in the love and happiness shining from the bride and groom, that I didn’t need to excuse myself. The rest of the day was spent talking to lots of people, sharing stories about the bride’s dad (my cousin), eating, drinking and dancing.
“Be like Cody” was my mantra to center myself, but as I was able to ‘be like Cody’ and live fully in the moment, there wasn’t any sadness about what Sara and I had missed out on. There was
“Be like Cody”.