When I look back at that summer as an adult, I see the lessons clearly.
I can remember vividly the summer of the ducks. I was about twelve and my family was living on a lake. In past summers I had raised little abandoned baby duckling and then putting my own heartache aside, I would release them to enjoy their lives in the wild. This summer was different. Our lake was plagued with botulism. Botulism is a paralytic illness caused by bacteria that leads to nerve damage. As the ducks lost control of their nervous systems their bodies would uncontrollably jerk which was followed by death. As a girl it was a heart-breaking experience but as usual if you pay attention, there is something to be learned.
We, unlike most families actually had ether available to us. My father was a biology teacher and used it at times in his lab at school. My childhood Doctor Doolittle act made it clear to my parents that I was not going to stand by and do nothing through the summer plague. This is when I learned how to pour the liquid death into a cloth and hold it over the ducks beak until the agitation of the jerking body dropped into a peaceful sleep that deepened until its sweet little duck soul was released.
I spent that summer scanning the lake. Often I could see in the distance on the shoreline the quivering. The canoe and I became close friends and I would ride the edges of the lake in hopes that the summer I would never forget, would be over – yet I had a job that I was committed to and until our lake was calm and the ripples of pain were gone I would continue.
Initially I wanted to fix them – make it all better, but it took no time at all to realize that this was not an option. I was then able to shift into a different place. There was a huge sense of relief that flowed through me every time I found a duck in pain – knowing that I could send him into a place of comfort – knowing I could hold his little body, fill him with love and then free him. I was dedicated to my mission of reaching the ducks while they were still alive and I did the best I could .
When I look back at that summer as an adult, I see the lessons clearly. I learned to lean into fate instead of push against it. I learned to face something that bruised my heart deeply, find a solution and follow it through until the biter end. It was not my job to change the ducks destiny.
